The girls: first day in Bangladesh :)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I love America!
I MADE IT! :)
Here I am sitting in beautiful Hawaii at my favorite coffee shop, The Coffee Bean. I am confused at what to think but have a sense of relief that I made it through the hardest 2 months of my life I am sure. I have so many different emotions I don't even know how to express them all. I will just start by telling you all what I struggled with during my last week.
During the hour and a half bus rides to the slums each day I am taken back by what I see. The swarms of people are all around. Rick-shaw drivers, taxi's, cars, busses, shopkeepers, business men, women with their children, and the beggers that weave in and out of the chaotic mess. I sat each morning staring into empty eyes. Each gaze that met mine was at times too much to handle. I know I can not help everyone but all I could give was a smile but even that I was advised not to do. A blonde white girl is very rare in Bangladesh. I did not see one the whole two months! I sat there and just thought about Gods love and got upset. I compared my life to what i was seeing and it made me question where God was in Bangladesh. People should not have to crawl on busses with no legs, broken bones, blindness, deformities, or anything as sickening as I saw begging for money. It broke my heart to look past each hurting soul. Money does not ultimately help them and I was left to picture each image that is still freshly engraved in my mind. This is when the questions began, Where are you God? Do you not see them? Why do I have so much and they are begging for money thats not even close to being worth one dollar? I was honestly upset and had tears welling up in my eyes. I was left to my thoughts for the last few days of ministry. My last night in Bangladesh God revealed to me something that helped me understand finally. My feeling of helplessness in such a large place put me in a spot of giving up and thats where God showed me that He sent Jesus, ONE man to save the whole world. What a task! All Jesus could do was be Himself and that changed the world forever. He simply walked out who He was and hearts were transformed. I realized then that all I have to do is be who God calls me to be. I will do my part and know that God is taking care of the rest.
Its weird to think my outreach and journey through DTS is coming to a close but i know this is just the beginning of a great life! I have been changed forever from this time and my heart is even larger now. God has placed a love for people in me and now I am praying for direction in how to carry that out. So many need just a little attention and someone to show them they matter. Gods love is far deeper and greater than mine but if I can show someone a glimpse then perhaps that will spring them into the arms that will carry them through each season of their life.
I am so excited to come back to COLORADO and share pictures, videos, and stories with you all. I will be back mid february! For now, I am going to enjoy my last days with the life long friends I have made and saok up some Hawaii sun <3
Love you all!
Here I am sitting in beautiful Hawaii at my favorite coffee shop, The Coffee Bean. I am confused at what to think but have a sense of relief that I made it through the hardest 2 months of my life I am sure. I have so many different emotions I don't even know how to express them all. I will just start by telling you all what I struggled with during my last week.
During the hour and a half bus rides to the slums each day I am taken back by what I see. The swarms of people are all around. Rick-shaw drivers, taxi's, cars, busses, shopkeepers, business men, women with their children, and the beggers that weave in and out of the chaotic mess. I sat each morning staring into empty eyes. Each gaze that met mine was at times too much to handle. I know I can not help everyone but all I could give was a smile but even that I was advised not to do. A blonde white girl is very rare in Bangladesh. I did not see one the whole two months! I sat there and just thought about Gods love and got upset. I compared my life to what i was seeing and it made me question where God was in Bangladesh. People should not have to crawl on busses with no legs, broken bones, blindness, deformities, or anything as sickening as I saw begging for money. It broke my heart to look past each hurting soul. Money does not ultimately help them and I was left to picture each image that is still freshly engraved in my mind. This is when the questions began, Where are you God? Do you not see them? Why do I have so much and they are begging for money thats not even close to being worth one dollar? I was honestly upset and had tears welling up in my eyes. I was left to my thoughts for the last few days of ministry. My last night in Bangladesh God revealed to me something that helped me understand finally. My feeling of helplessness in such a large place put me in a spot of giving up and thats where God showed me that He sent Jesus, ONE man to save the whole world. What a task! All Jesus could do was be Himself and that changed the world forever. He simply walked out who He was and hearts were transformed. I realized then that all I have to do is be who God calls me to be. I will do my part and know that God is taking care of the rest.
Its weird to think my outreach and journey through DTS is coming to a close but i know this is just the beginning of a great life! I have been changed forever from this time and my heart is even larger now. God has placed a love for people in me and now I am praying for direction in how to carry that out. So many need just a little attention and someone to show them they matter. Gods love is far deeper and greater than mine but if I can show someone a glimpse then perhaps that will spring them into the arms that will carry them through each season of their life.
I am so excited to come back to COLORADO and share pictures, videos, and stories with you all. I will be back mid february! For now, I am going to enjoy my last days with the life long friends I have made and saok up some Hawaii sun <3
Love you all!
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